Red Flags vs Green Flags: Why Some Signs Are Easy to Miss
Uncategorized

Red Flags vs Green Flags: Why Some Signs Are Easy to Miss

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

This post is not like my typical posts and I appreciate you taking the time to read and maybe share it. In the wake of so many recent domestic violence cases coming up in the news I felt inclined to share some of the early warning signs that both men and women miss in relationships. We live in a fast paced society and sometimes that paired with traumatic/toxic childhoods, it can be hard to see what is healthy and is not healthy in romantic relationships.

Sometimes, the difference between healthy and unhealthy love isn’t obvious. Not because the signs aren’t there—but because of what many people were taught to accept early in life. The way someone experiences love growing up can shape what feels normal later on. If love felt inconsistent, conditional, or emotionally unsafe, those patterns can quietly become familiar. And familiarity can feel a lot like connection.

When Red Flags Feel Normal

For many people, certain behaviors don’t immediately stand out as unhealthy—especially if they’ve seen or experienced them before. Let’s take a closer look.

1. Lack of Respect:

Being dismissed, talked down to, or made to feel “too sensitive” can become easy to overlook when respect wasn’t consistently modeled.

Green flag: Feeling heard, valued, and taken seriously.

2. Poor Communication:

Silence, avoidance, or conversations that turn into blame can feel familiar—but they often leave people feeling unheard.

Green flag: Open, honest conversations where both people feel safe expressing themselves.

3. Control Disguised as Care:

Guilt, pressure, or subtle manipulation can sometimes be mistaken for love or concern.

Green flag: Support that allows space, independence, and personal growth.

4. Disrespecting Boundaries:

Feeling guilty for saying no—or being pushed past personal limits—is a sign that boundaries aren’t being honored.

Green flag: Boundaries are respected without pressure, guilt, or punishment.

5. Hot and Cold Behavior:

Inconsistency can feel intense, but it often creates confusion and anxiety over time.

Green flag: Consistency, reliability, and emotional steadiness.

6. Self-Centered Dynamics:

When everything revolves around one person’s needs, the relationship can start to feel one-sided.

Green flag: Mutual care, empathy, and shared emotional space.

What Makes This So Hard

For people who learned to adapt, people-please, or keep the peace, these patterns don’t always stand out right away. They can feel familiar. Predictable. Even comfortable in a way that’s hard to explain. But familiar doesn’t always mean healthy.

Choosing Something Different

Learning to recognize these patterns is not about blaming the past—it’s about creating awareness in the present. Healthy relationships may feel different at first. Quieter. Steadier. Less overwhelming. But that difference often means something important is finally present. The bottom line is that a healthy relationship should feel like a place to land. Not a place to constantly question, prove and or recover from.

A Gentle Check-In

If this resonated, take a moment to reflect:

  • Which patterns have felt familiar in past relationships?
  • Which green flags feel unfamiliar—but important?
  • What would it look like to choose peace, even if it feels new?

You don’t have to figure everything out today.

But awareness is a powerful place to start.

Let’s Talk

If you feel comfortable, share your thoughts in the comments:

  • Which red flag do you think people overlook the most?
  • Or which green flag changed your perspective on love?

Your voice might help someone else see things more clearly.

Thank you for your continued support and visits.

-Lulu

Are We Each Our Own Universe? Why It’s So Hard to Be Fully Understood
Book Club

Are We Each Our Own Universe? Why It’s So Hard to Be Fully Understood

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

There’s a thought that’s been sitting with me lately:

What if each human being is their own universe?

Not in a literal sense—but in the way we experience the world.

Each of us carries our own history, our own rules, our own way of making meaning out of what happens to us. No two people walk through life with the exact same lens. Even when we share space, share love, share experiences—we are still interpreting it all differently.

And maybe…that’s why it can feel so hard to be fully understood.

We Are All Living in Different “Worlds”

Think about it for a moment.

Everything you believe about yourself—your worth, your safety, your place in the world—was shaped over time. Through childhood. Through relationships. Through moments that stayed with you longer than you expected.

Those experiences didn’t just happen and disappear.

They became the rules of your inner world.

For some, the world feels safe and predictable.

For others, especially those carrying deep emotional wounds or experiences like Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the internal world may operate very differently—where trust feels risky, love feels uncertain, and safety doesn’t come easily.

Same world. Different realities.

Why Words Don’t Always Land the Way We Mean Them

We rely on language to connect, but language has limits.

You might say, “I feel hurt,” and mean something layered, deep, and rooted in years of experience.

Someone else might hear that and think of a passing moment—something small, something temporary.

The words are the same, but the meaning isn’t.

Because when we speak, we’re expressing something from our universe—and when someone listens, they’re interpreting it through theirs.

The Gap Between Being Heard and Being Understood

There’s a difference between someone hearing you and someone truly understanding you.

You can explain yourself clearly.
You can be open, vulnerable, and honest.

And still feel…missed.

Not because the other person doesn’t care—but because they don’t have the same internal reference points. They haven’t lived your exact experiences. They don’t carry your exact meanings.

And there are parts of you that simply cannot be translated perfectly into words.

So What Does Real Understanding Look Like?

Maybe it’s not about someone saying,
“I know exactly how you feel.”

Maybe it’s quieter than that.

Maybe it sounds like:
“I may not fully understand, but I’m here.”
“Help me see it the way you do.”
“I believe you.”

Real understanding isn’t perfect. It’s intentional.

It’s someone choosing to step closer to your world, even if they can’t fully live in it.

A Shift in Expectation

What if the goal isn’t to be completely understood?

What if the goal is to be seen—honestly, gently, and without dismissal?

To be understood enough that you don’t feel alone in your experience.

And to offer that same grace to others—recognizing that they, too, are navigating a world shaped by things we may never fully see.

Final Thought

If we are each our own universe, then connection isn’t about becoming the same.

It’s about learning how to visit each other’s worlds with care.

And maybe that’s where healing begins

 Simple Tofu Curry with Potatoes (Cooked by Instinct, Not Perfection)
Recipes

 Simple Tofu Curry with Potatoes (Cooked by Instinct, Not Perfection)

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

Some of the best meals don’t come from measuring cups—they come from instinct.

Today, I made a simple tofu curry with potatoes, using what I had in my kitchen and seasoning as I went. It’s one of those meals that doesn’t require perfection, just a little patience and a willingness to trust your taste.

Cooking Without Measuring

I’ll be honest—I rarely measure my seasonings.

I cook based on how things smell, how they look, and how they taste along the way. This dish was no different. Every step was about adjusting, tasting, and letting the flavors come together naturally.

Ingredients

1 block extra firm tofu (thawed, drained, and diced) 1 red onion (thinly sliced) Several sweet peppers About 6 spring onions 2 stalks celery (diced) 3 medium white potatoes (diced)

Seasoning & Base:

Vegan butter (used for browning tofu) 1 small can tomato sauce 1 can coconut milk 1–2 tbsp Jamaican curry powder 1 tsp turmeric Black pepper, salt, and vegan bouillon (to taste) ~1.5 cups water

How I Made It

1. Brown the tofu

I started by browning the tofu in vegan butter until it developed a nice color, then set it aside.

2. Build the base

In the same pan, I sautéed the sliced red onions until they softened. Then I added the sweet peppers, spring onions, and celery, letting everything cook together for a few minutes.

3. Add the seasoning

Next came the curry powder, turmeric, and the rest of my seasonings. I stirred everything together and let it cook for a few more minutes to deepen the flavor.

4. Bring it all together

I added:

coconut milk tomato sauce diced potatoes browned tofu about 1.5 cups of water

Then I lowered the heat and let everything simmer.

5. Let it simmer

I let the curry cook for about 45 minutes, checking it occasionally for:

flavor consistency

This is where cooking by instinct really comes in—adjusting as needed.

How I Served It

I had mine with a small bowl of rice, while my youngest enjoyed theirs just as it was.

That’s the beauty of this dish—it works either way.

Final Thoughts

This was one of those simple dinners that came together without stress.

It was:

filling flavorful and easy to make

And honestly, those are the meals I find myself coming back to the most.

Garden Progress: Small Changes That Are Making a Big Difference
Gardening · Gardening

Garden Progress: Small Changes That Are Making a Big Difference

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

There’s something rewarding about seeing your garden slowly come together—one project at a time.

This past week, I focused on making a few key updates around my garden space. None of them were huge on their own, but together, they’re making a big difference in how everything looks, feels, and functions.

Finishing the Walkway

One of the biggest improvements I made was finally completing the walkway.

This has been a work in progress, but now that it’s done, it completely changes how I move through the space. It’s cleaner, more structured, and honestly just feels more intentional.

It’s a small detail, but it makes everyday tasks in the garden so much easier.

Adding a Decorative Fence (and Solving a Problem)

I also added a decorative fence around:

My flower area The section where I planted peanuts

This wasn’t just for looks—it solved a real issue.

Stray cats had started using that space as a litter box, which is something I definitely needed to get under control. Since adding the fence, I’ve already noticed a difference.

Now the space feels protected and more visually put together.

Upgrading My Rain Barrel Setup

Another small but important update was mounting my rain barrel.

Before, it was sitting too low, which made it harder to access the water once it filled up. Elevating it has made collecting and using rainwater much more practical.

It’s one of those changes that improves efficiency without requiring a lot of effort.

Harvesting Collard Greens

I was also able to harvest some collard greens, which always feels like a win.

Right now, I’m letting a few plants go to seed. Once the seeds are ready and collected, I’ll clear that bed to make room for cucumbers and green beans.

It’s all part of the cycle—harvest, reset, and plant again.

Looking Ahead

This season is teaching me that gardening isn’t about rushing.

It’s about:

Making steady improvements Learning from what works (and what doesn’t) Creating a space that grows with you

Every small step adds up.

Final Thoughts

This week wasn’t about doing everything—it was about doing what I could and doing it well.

And right now, that’s enough.

Back in Training: Lessons I’m learning the hard way.
Health & Fitness · Health & Fitness

Back in Training: Lessons I’m learning the hard way.

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

I’m officially back in full training mode for the historic marine corps half marathon and let me tell you… I’ve already learned a few lessons the hard way.

This past week has been a mix of progress, setbacks, and a whole lot of reflection.

Lesson #1: Hydration Is Not Optional

A few days ago, I’m pretty sure I overlooked my hydration.

And my body made sure I paid for it.

I ended up violently throwing up and dealing with intense cold chills shortly after. It was honestly scary—and a clear reminder that hydration isn’t something I can afford to play around with, especially while training at this level.

That experience alone forced me to slow down and reassess.

Lesson #2: Preparation Changes Everything

Yesterday, I went on a practice “race day” run.

This time, I came prepared.

I made hydration a priority beforehand, and I could feel the difference immediately. My energy was better, my body felt more stable, and I didn’t hit that same wall.

I also had my music playlist ready—and that helped more than I expected. It kept me from starting too fast and helped me stay in a steady rhythm with my pacing and breathing.

Sometimes it’s the small things that make the biggest difference.

Lesson #3: The Wrong Gear Will Humble You Quickly

What I didn’t account for?

My socks.

I wore the wrong pair, and by the time I finished my run and got home, I realized I had developed painful, bloody blisters.

That was another tough lesson.

Because no matter how mentally prepared you are, the wrong gear can completely throw you off.

Where I Am Now

Right now, I’m focused on figuring out how to properly treat these blisters while still staying on track with my training schedule.

Because stopping completely isn’t the goal—but pushing through pain the wrong way isn’t smart either.

It’s about finding that balance.

Final Thoughts

If there’s one thing I’m learning in this season, it’s this:

Preparation matters.

Listening to your body matters.

And every mistake is a lesson—if you’re willing to learn from it.

This journey isn’t perfect… but I’m committed to it.

I’m Not Behind—My Life Is Just Full
Book Club

I’m Not Behind—My Life Is Just Full

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m falling behind.

Not because I don’t have ideas—but because I have too many.

My garden is growing, my recipe book is coming together, and somewhere in the middle of all of that… my Tidewalker series is waiting for me. Book Two is still sitting in the early stages of editing, quietly asking for my attention.

And for a moment, I thought that meant I was failing.

That I wasn’t focused enough.
That I needed to “get it together.”
That I was somehow dropping the ball on something that matters to me.

But the truth is… I’m not behind.

My life is just full.

Full of things I prayed for.
Full of things I once only dreamed about having the courage to start.
Full of growth—both the kind you can see, and the kind you can’t.

I’m learning that not everything is meant to move forward at the same time.

Some seasons are for planting.
Some are for building.
Some are for resting.
And some are simply for living in what you’ve already created.

Right now, my hands are in the soil. I’m learning, experimenting, and finding joy in growing something tangible. My kitchen has become a space of creativity again, where I’m building recipes that tell a story of their own.

And my writing?

It’s still there.

Waiting. Breathing. Becoming.

I haven’t abandoned it—I’m just not forcing it.

Because I’m starting to understand that forcing growth doesn’t make it happen faster. It just makes it harder to enjoy.

The Tidewalker series deserves my full presence, my imagination, and my care. And when I return to it, I don’t want to feel rushed or disconnected—I want to feel ready.

So instead of criticizing myself for not doing everything at once, I’m choosing something different.

I’m choosing to honor the season I’m in.

To trust that everything I’m building is still moving forward—even if it’s not all happening at the same time.

To remind myself that progress doesn’t always look like productivity.

Sometimes, it looks like tending to what’s right in front of you.

Sometimes, it looks like pausing without quitting.

And sometimes… it looks like giving yourself permission to simply be.

If you’ve been feeling like you’re behind lately, I want you to hear this:

You’re not behind either.

Your life might just be full too.

🍲 30-Minute Seafood Paella (Real Life, Tired Mom Edition)
Recipes

🍲 30-Minute Seafood Paella (Real Life, Tired Mom Edition)

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

Some days, I have the energy to cook from scratch.

And some days… I’m tired.

Today was one of those days.

But instead of ordering out or skipping a good meal, I leaned into something simple that still felt like a real dinner—and honestly, it turned out better than I expected.

 I used a boxed seafood paella mix I picked up from the store last week and added a few small touches to make it feel more like my meal.

🌿 What I Used

Boxed seafood paella kit

1 small onion (chopped)

1 bell pepper (chopped)

1/8 cup olive oil

Fresh parsley

Cayenne pepper (to taste)

1/2 cup shelled edamame

1 3/4 cups vegetable broth

👩🏾‍🍳 How I Made It

I kept this super simple (because that’s all I had the energy for):

Heated olive oil in a pan Sautéed the onion and bell pepper until softened Added parsley and cayenne pepper and cooked for about a minute Mixed in: the canned seafood the rice mixture edamame vegetable broth Stirred everything together and let it cook on low heat for about 20 minutes

And that was it.

From start to finish—about 30 minutes.

💭 Real Thoughts

I didn’t overthink this meal.

I didn’t try to make it perfect.

I just needed something:

warm filling easy

And it delivered.

Even better?

👉 My very picky eater loved it.

That alone made it a win.

And now we have leftovers for tomorrow, which means one less thing to think about.

🌱 Why This Matters (More Than the Recipe)

This is something I’m learning in this season:

Not every meal has to be from scratch.

Not every day has to be “high effort.”

Sometimes, taking a shortcut is taking care of yourself.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about the food—it’s about:

feeding your family conserving your energy and still showing up

And today, this was more than enough.

✨ If You Try This

Make it your own.

Add what you have.

Use what’s already in your kitchen.

Don’t overcomplicate it.

Because simple meals like this?

They’re the ones that actually get made.

Slowly Building Haven Harvest: Walkways, Growth, and New Beginnings.
Gardening · Gardening

Slowly Building Haven Harvest: Walkways, Growth, and New Beginnings.

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

This past week, I spent time pouring back into my garden—and for the first time, it’s starting to feel like something intentional, not just something I planted and hoped would grow.

Little by little, Haven Harvest is coming together.

🌱 Creating a Walkway

One of the biggest updates I made was building a walkway through the garden. I wanted something that felt natural, grounded, and functional—something that would allow me to move through the space without disturbing the beds.

I laid down a weed barrier first, then began placing rocks that I’ve been collecting from around the property. There’s something special about using what I already have. It makes the space feel more connected, more personal.

I added a few pavers to help stabilize certain areas, and I’m still working on filling it in, but even now, it’s already transforming how the garden feels.

It’s no longer just a space where things grow—it’s becoming a space where I can be.

🌿 Feeding the Soil

I also spent time adding more compost to my beds. I’ve learned that healthy plants really do start with healthy soil, so I’m trying to be more intentional about feeding it regularly.

On top of that, I made a simple fertilizing “tea” using things I had at home. I used:

  • boiled banana peels
  • used coffee grounds
  • crushed eggshells

I let everything steep and then used that nutrient-rich water to feed both my indoor and outdoor plants.

It’s a small step, but it feels good knowing I’m nourishing my plants in a natural, sustainable way.

🌼 Refreshing the Deck Garden

I didn’t forget about my deck either.

I added a new growing tower to maximize space, especially for herbs and smaller plants. It’s functional, but it also adds a really nice visual element.

To bring everything together, I laid down an outdoor rug, and that simple addition made the whole space feel more inviting—like an extension of my home.

🌞 Where I Am Right Now

My garden isn’t perfect, and it’s definitely still a work in progress—but it’s growing, just like I am.

Every rock placed, every bed turned, every small update—it all adds up.

I’m learning to take my time, to build slowly, and to appreciate each step along the way.

This isn’t just about growing food.

It’s about creating a space that feels like peace, purpose, and possibility.

And I’m really proud of how far it’s come.

📸 Garden Progress

I’ve included a few photos below to show how everything is coming together so far. I’m excited to keep building and sharing this journey.

“If you’re building your own garden, I’d love to hear what you’re working on this season 🌱”

Listening to Your Body: When Slowing Down Is the Real Strength
Health & Fitness · Health & Fitness

Listening to Your Body: When Slowing Down Is the Real Strength

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

For many years, I believed strength meant pushing through discomfort.

Run the extra mile.

Drink the extra cup of coffee.

Stay busy.

Ignore the little warning signs.

Like many people balancing work, family, and personal goals, I convinced myself that slowing down meant falling behind.

But the body has a way of getting our attention.

Recently, I experienced persistent chest discomfort that forced me to pause and really listen to what my body was trying to tell me. It wasn’t easy. As someone who enjoys running, gardening, cooking, and staying active with my kids, the idea of stepping back—even temporarily—felt frustrating.

But sometimes the strongest thing we can do is stop and pay attention.

Your Body Is Always Communicating

Our bodies are constantly sending signals:

Fatigue Digestive issues Muscle soreness Headaches Shortness of breath

Too often we silence those signals with caffeine, stress, or sheer determination.

But ignoring them doesn’t make them disappear.

It only delays the moment when our body demands rest.

Wellness Isn’t Just About Exercise

When people think about health and fitness, they often focus on workouts.

But real wellness is much broader.

It includes:

What we eat How we manage stress The quality of our sleep Our emotional wellbeing How well we listen to our body

For me, this has meant making small adjustments—watching my diet more closely, reducing certain triggers, and being more intentional about rest.

None of these things feel dramatic, but together they create balance.

Strength Looks Different Than We Think

Strength is not always pushing harder.

Sometimes strength looks like:

Skipping a workout to recover Drinking water instead of another cup of coffee Scheduling a doctor’s appointment instead of ignoring symptoms Taking a quiet walk instead of an intense run

It’s about respecting the body that carries us through life.

The Long Game

Health and fitness is not a short race. It’s a lifelong journey.

I still plan to run.

I still plan to garden.

I still plan to cook nourishing meals for my family.

But I’m learning that caring for my body today is what allows me to keep doing those things tomorrow.

And that might be the most important fitness lesson of all.

Feedback : Have you ever had a moment when your body forced you to slow down and listen?

Book Club Reflections: Reading The Book of Enoch While Writing Book Two
Book Club

Book Club Reflections: Reading The Book of Enoch While Writing Book Two

Lulu LeeLeave a comment

Lately my reading has taken a different direction.

Instead of picking up a modern novel or memoir, I’ve been spending time with The Book of Enoch while editing the second book in my Tidewalkers series, When the Sea Remembers.

It’s been fascinating, challenging, and honestly… a little disorienting in the best way.

But I’ll also admit something:
I’ve been feeling a bit stuck creatively.

When Creativity Slows Down

Editing a story can sometimes feel harder than writing the first draft.

When I was originally writing When the Sea Remembers, the ideas flowed naturally. The characters felt alive, and the world of the tidewalkers seemed to unfold on its own.

But editing requires something different. It asks you to slow down, question your choices, tighten the story, and sometimes step back when the creative energy isn’t there.

Lately, I’ve been wondering if the winter weather is part of it. The days are shorter, the skies are gray, and the creative spark feels quieter than usual.

I’m learning that sometimes creativity doesn’t disappear — it simply pauses.

Reading Ancient Texts While Building a Fantasy World

Reading The Book of Enoch while editing my story has been surprisingly inspiring.

Ancient texts like this remind me how long humans have been telling stories about the unseen world, spiritual mysteries, and forces that shape human life.

Even though my Tidewalkers series is fictional, those themes — mystery, the unknown, and the connection between different worlds — echo through many ancient traditions.

It reminds me that storytelling has always been a way for people to explore what they cannot fully explain.

The Importance of Creative Patience

One thing I’m learning as a writer is that creativity has seasons.

Some seasons are fast and exciting, where ideas pour out effortlessly.

Other seasons are quieter. They ask for reflection, reading, research, and patience.

Right now, I think I’m in one of those quieter seasons.

And maybe that’s not a bad thing.

Sometimes stepping back, reading deeply, and letting ideas simmer is exactly what a story needs before it can move forward.

Trusting the Process

The Tidewalkers world is still very much alive in my mind. Ezra, Neri, and the world beneath the sea are waiting for their story to continue.

For now, I’m reading, reflecting, and slowly working through the edits.

Stories have their own rhythm. And I’m learning to respect that rhythm instead of forcing it.

If you’re a writer or creative person, you probably know this feeling well.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is keep showing up — even when the words come slowly.

A Season of Spiritual Curiosity

Reading The Book of Enoch has also stirred something deeper in me — a quiet curiosity about spirituality, ancient traditions, and how people throughout history have tried to understand the unseen world.

When I immigrated to the United States as a young girl, much of my understanding of faith and religion came through very specific teachings and structured interpretations. As I’ve grown older, I’ve become more interested in exploring spiritual texts with fresh eyes and asking my own questions.

Not necessarily to find definitive answers, but to understand the bigger picture of how humans across cultures and generations have tried to make sense of existence, morality, mystery, and purpose.

That curiosity often finds its way into my writing.

The Tidewalkers world, while fictional, explores similar ideas — the existence of parallel worlds, unseen forces, and the delicate balance between human life and the natural world. Stories have always been a way for people to wrestle with questions that don’t have simple explanations.

Reading ancient texts like The Book of Enoch reminds me that storytelling and spiritual exploration have always been closely connected.

Both invite us to imagine beyond what we can immediately see.

And maybe that’s part of why this season of slower creativity doesn’t feel entirely frustrating. It feels more like a period of reflection — a time to read deeply, think carefully, and allow new ideas to take shape beneath the surface.

Just like seeds waiting underground before they begin to grow.

A Quiet Glimpse of What’s Coming

As I continue editing When the Sea Remembers, the second book in the Tidewalkers series, I’m slowly rediscovering the depth of the world I began building in the first book. Ezra and Neri’s story is far from finished, and the tides that connect their two worlds are becoming more complicated than either of them expected. There are choices ahead that will test loyalty, courage, and the fragile balance between land and sea. For now, the story is still taking shape beneath the surface — but I can already feel that the next chapter of their journey will carry them into deeper waters.