mental health – Haven Harvest Living

This post is not like my typical posts and I appreciate you taking the time to read and maybe share it. In the wake of so many recent domestic violence cases coming up in the news I felt inclined to share some of the early warning signs that both men and women miss in relationships. We live in a fast paced society and sometimes that paired with traumatic/toxic childhoods, it can be hard to see what is healthy and is not healthy in romantic relationships.

Sometimes, the difference between healthy and unhealthy love isn’t obvious. Not because the signs aren’t there—but because of what many people were taught to accept early in life. The way someone experiences love growing up can shape what feels normal later on. If love felt inconsistent, conditional, or emotionally unsafe, those patterns can quietly become familiar. And familiarity can feel a lot like connection.

When Red Flags Feel Normal

For many people, certain behaviors don’t immediately stand out as unhealthy—especially if they’ve seen or experienced them before. Let’s take a closer look.

1. Lack of Respect:

Being dismissed, talked down to, or made to feel “too sensitive” can become easy to overlook when respect wasn’t consistently modeled.

Green flag: Feeling heard, valued, and taken seriously.

2. Poor Communication:

Silence, avoidance, or conversations that turn into blame can feel familiar—but they often leave people feeling unheard.

Green flag: Open, honest conversations where both people feel safe expressing themselves.

3. Control Disguised as Care:

Guilt, pressure, or subtle manipulation can sometimes be mistaken for love or concern.

Green flag: Support that allows space, independence, and personal growth.

4. Disrespecting Boundaries:

Feeling guilty for saying no—or being pushed past personal limits—is a sign that boundaries aren’t being honored.

Green flag: Boundaries are respected without pressure, guilt, or punishment.

5. Hot and Cold Behavior:

Inconsistency can feel intense, but it often creates confusion and anxiety over time.

Green flag: Consistency, reliability, and emotional steadiness.

6. Self-Centered Dynamics:

When everything revolves around one person’s needs, the relationship can start to feel one-sided.

Green flag: Mutual care, empathy, and shared emotional space.

What Makes This So Hard

For people who learned to adapt, people-please, or keep the peace, these patterns don’t always stand out right away. They can feel familiar. Predictable. Even comfortable in a way that’s hard to explain. But familiar doesn’t always mean healthy.

Choosing Something Different

Learning to recognize these patterns is not about blaming the past—it’s about creating awareness in the present. Healthy relationships may feel different at first. Quieter. Steadier. Less overwhelming. But that difference often means something important is finally present. The bottom line is that a healthy relationship should feel like a place to land. Not a place to constantly question, prove and or recover from.

A Gentle Check-In

If this resonated, take a moment to reflect:

Which patterns have felt familiar in past relationships?
Which green flags feel unfamiliar—but important?
What would it look like to choose peace, even if it feels new?

You don’t have to figure everything out today.

But awareness is a powerful place to start.

Let’s Talk

If you feel comfortable, share your thoughts in the comments:

Which red flag do you think people overlook the most?
Or which green flag changed your perspective on love?

Your voice might help someone else see things more clearly.

Thank you for your continued support and visits.

-Lulu

A few years ago, in the middle of the pandemic, my family was carrying more stress than we knew how to name. Like so many households, our routines were disrupted, uncertainty felt constant, and my kids were overwhelmed in ways that showed up quietly — in moods, in questions, in exhaustion.

Around that time, a good friend recommended a book for our family book club: The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. We decided to read it together, not knowing just how much it would shift the way we were thinking about our lives.

If you want to check it out, here’s a link to the book:

👉 https://a.co/d/5bWxTcP

What stood out most wasn’t just the story itself, but the conversations it sparked in our home.

Reading It Together Changed How We Saw Our Lives

At its core, The Midnight Library invites readers to think about the many versions of life we imagine for ourselves — the what ifs, the roads not taken, the choices that could have led us somewhere else. During a time when everything felt heavy, that idea resonated deeply with all of us.

As a family, we talked about regret, disappointment, and the temptation to compare our current lives to imagined alternatives. We talked about how easy it is to get caught up in what could have been and miss the value of what is.

What the book helped us see — gently and without judgment — is that even the hardest parts of our lives still hold meaning. That the life we are living, imperfect and unfinished, deserves our attention and care.

A Lesson That Still Stays With Us

Years later, we still reference this book from time to time. When one of us feels stuck, frustrated, or overwhelmed, the reminder comes back:

Don’t forget to take in the life you have.

That doesn’t mean ignoring pain or pretending everything is fine. It means learning how to hold gratitude and struggle at the same time. It means appreciating growth, resilience, and connection — even when circumstances are far from ideal.

For my kids especially, this book offered language for feelings they didn’t yet have words for. It helped them understand that stress and uncertainty don’t mean failure — they’re part of being human.

Why I Still Recommend This Book

I recommend The Midnight Library not because it offers easy answers, but because it encourages thoughtful reflection. It opens the door to meaningful conversations — especially within families — about choice, perspective, and how we learn to make peace with the lives we’re living.

It was exactly the book we needed at that moment in time. And looking back, I’m grateful we read it together.

Sometimes the right book doesn’t change your circumstances — it changes how you see them. And that can make all the difference.

What are your favorite books? Why?

Tag: mental health

Red Flags vs Green Flags: Why Some Signs Are Easy to Miss